I felt compelled to write the following after reading the most recent update, on a case of a local young woman who went missing on Boxing Day.
It has been documented that suicide rates are at their highest between 2-3am. I can fully understand why, as I have come very close myself, on a number of occasions.
I suffer from chronic insomnia along with depression and anxiety. 3am is when I am at my most desperate. Here’s why; If I haven’t slept by 3am, I know I’m not going to sleep. I’ve already lain awake for hours with anxious, depressing and possibly suicidal thoughts, running through my mind. The accumulative weight of these thoughts is unbearable by 3am. I still have hours to wait before I see or speak to anyone else. My physical pain is at its worst at this time. I’m exhausted and don’t feel like I have the mental strength to last the night. The night seems so long and I feel so alone. And all my problems feel amplified at night.
But I know from experience that if I can make it to sunrise or until I can speak to a loved one, things do not seem as bad. The desperation I feel at 3am lifts with the sun’s rays.
If you are reading this and regularly experience this desperation, please find the strength to make it to sunrise. If you don’t think you have the strength, please call a loved one. I can assure you, they would prefer to be woken up at 3am, than face a devastating phone call the next day. If you don’t want to worry someone you love, please call a helpline like the Samaritans. Do whatever you need to do to distract yourself to survive until morning. However alone you feel, there is always help out there, but you need to ask. Take care.
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