I have always been blessed with strong, thick and healthy hair, which I’ve kept long for most of my life. My hair has always been the most striking part about me. I used to get compliments daily and I used my hair as a form of safety blanket, which I could hide behind when my anxiety reared its ugly head.
I used to be very overweight and very self conscious about my physical appearance. But no matter how fat and ugly I felt, I always loved my hair. After losing weight I kept my hair long and became even more protective of it. I actually feared going to the hairdressers in case they took off more than 1 inch, when I asked for just a trim. I also had frequent nightmares about my hair falling out.
Fast forward a few years and my physical health deteriorated to the point where I was unable to care for myself. I developed severe ME/CFS and fibromyalgia. The exhaustion and weakness caused by the ME/CFS meant I couldn’t wash and dry my own hair. The Fibromyalgia meant anything touching my skin, including my hair, was extremely painful. And I had developed constant tension headaches from the weight of my hair when it was tied up. I wasn’t well enough to sit in a hairdressers chair, so my hair got dry, damaged and very, very long.
Some of you reading this are probably thinking; “What’s the big deal?, it’s only hair and it will grow back” With all the challenges I face on a daily basis living with severe ME/CFS and fibromyalgia, cutting my hair would seem insignificant. But girls, from an early age, are force fed the notion that you need long hair to be beautiful and feminine. I was terrified I wouldn’t be seen as attractive anymore, but it actually went a lot deeper than that. My long hair was such an ingrained part of my persona, I was afraid I would lose part of me if I cut my hair short.
So, 7 years ago, I had to make a very tough decision. To cut my hair off or risk my health deteriorating even further. I chose my health and it’s a decision I’ve never regretted. The one thing I feared the most, losing my hair, had happened, yet the world didn’t end. It was actually quite liberating. I felt physically and mentally lighter. I could hold my head up without the weight of my hair dragging it down. My tension headaches stopped and the pain in my neck and shoulders reduced.
I was able to wash my hair in 1 minute and let it air dry, no more spending 30 minutes under the hairdryer. I only had to wash it once a week which meant I could use my limited energy on other, more important tasks like eating. Because I’m unable to sit up long enough to have my hair styled, I have a buzz cut once a month. Yes, it’s quite a drastic solution, especially when you are used to having long hair, but it will grow back.
I don’t know what the future holds. For now I am housebound – pretty much bed bound. In the future, when I am able to leave the house, I may be more self conscious of my lack of hair, but there are other solutions. When that time comes, I look forward to shopping for hats, beautifully coloured scarfs and possibly wigs.
Have you had to make any tough decisions to protect your health?
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It looks nice short but I understand about the sadness of cutting the long hair you’ve become accustomed to. I hope things turn around.
I’ve cut back on hair washing…am very thankful for detangling brushes and dry shampoo!
Thank you Marya
I feel with you. Its exectly what I went through,too. I felt like I had to choose health over appearence.But when suffering is strong enough its very easy to choose health ober appearance.All the best to you,like your blog very much!! Nelly
You read my mind.It is so jard that this ilness just takes everything from us.I had to make the same decision and it was and still is helpful to not further deteriorate.Once the suffering is strong enough,it is easy to choose health over appearance.I hate the look on dictors face,though. This ilness takes everything frim us it seems. All the best for you Jo,Really like your Blog! Nelly
Thank you Nelly. Sending hugs 💙
I have Primary Progressive MS. I am now wheelchair/bed bound. I have always, from the age of 19, kept my hair short because it was so long and thick that it never stayed up if tied up, and was so heavy. I was happy with my hair but since developing MS at the age of 48 I have been unable to look after it myself. Then, about a year ago I developed sebarraic dermatitis, a scalp condition needing regular washing with medical shampoo. My carers do that but my hair even when really short, irritates my scalp to the point of distraction especially in bed. I have been considering a buzz cut but haven’t yet had the guts to take the plunge. Your hair is great because you have a beautiful face. You have encouraged me to go for it no matter what others say. Health over hair everytime
You are more beautiful with your hair cut short. I know it must have been a very difficult decision, but you chose your health. That was the right choice And you are beautiful!
Thank you Deborah 💙