I’m very unsure of myself at the moment. Doubts are creeping in and I’m being over critical about everything I write and everything I post. When I’m like this I get so indecisive and I overthink everything.
Do I sound patronising? Does it sound preachy? Do I sound whiny? Does anyone even care? Why wasn’t that post popular? Why didn’t it get many likes?
I’ve had a lot of success very quickly with my blog but not everything I write is going to get a lot of attention. Not everyone is going to like all my posts, I write about a myriad of subjects which won’t be relatable to everyone. But my anxious brain isn’t always rational, and doesn’t always see this logic, and at the moment it’s taking over.
I think it’s important to challenge these voices, so I decided to write about it.
My blog is actually a selfish endeavour. Yes, I want to reach out and help others, but essentially I’m talking about myself in every post. It’s a platform to give myself a voice, to try to make sense of my life by writing about it. All I’m doing is writing about my own experiences and if other people can relate to them, and gain comfort from knowing they are not alone, then all the anxieties linked to my writing are worth it. But it’s actually quite scary to write about your innermost thoughts, fears and failings, and then publish them for the world to judge.
I’ve long since accepted that my anxiety is always going to be present, I just need to find a way to not let it take over. I was so fearful to start my blog because I was convinced people would judge me – What makes me qualified to discuss these topics?, Why would anyone listen to my thoughts and advice? What makes me so special? But the truth is – everyone has been so supportive and I’m truly grateful for that.
I’m also anxious that people will think I’m only writing this post in attempt to ‘fish for compliments’ but that’s not my motive. By writing about my fears I take away their power over me. By acknowledging my anxieties I hope I can somehow make sense of them.
If I let anxiety rule my life I wouldn’t have even started this blog, I wouldn’t have met all you lovely people and my thoughts, that are now written down, would still be churning around in my overactive mind. If I let my anxieties take over now I wouldn’t be able to write another word, and that would be very sad. So instead I need to try to look past my insecurities and look at the positive steps I have already taken.
When I started my blog I wrote: “I really don’t know the direction this blog is going to take and exactly what I’m going to talk about, but half the fun is not knowing and the prospect of the journey ahead.” My impulsiveness and excitement at the time didn’t leave room for my anxiety to barge through, somehow I need to find that strength and enthusiasm again.
My blog has given me purpose in my life, something I haven’t had for a long while and I’m not going to let anxiety steal that from me. So for now, all I can do is continue to be myself – continue writing about the subjects that interest me and that affect my everyday life. And hopefully along the way I can touch some of your lives too. Take care x
Do any of my fellow bloggers have any wise words they would like to impart? How do you overcome your anxieties and insecurities about your writing? And to all my followers; Do you have any subjects you would like me to talk about?
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