Overthinking (The runaway train that is my brain)

I am the Queen of overthinking. I have been known to spend hours analysing why I’m overthinking, so basically I’m overthinking why I’m overthinking. I often feel like I have a three year old child in my head asking ‘but why?’ every second of the day.

Routine is like a best friend to people who suffer with anxiety but new situations are a nightmare. You find yourself thinking about every possible outcome and every ‘but what if’ and you need to find a solution to ALL of them or you don’t feel prepared. You would be surprised to find out how many possible outcomes there are for what many perceive to be a simple task.

My mind races completely out of control, darting from one obscure thought to another and I never seem to get a break. Even when I’m asleep my brain races out of control like a runaway train. I’ve always been like this but my solution was to keep busy. A busy mind doesn’t dwell on the negative thoughts. An active mind is a positive thing if you need to solve problems and accomplish things. Any ‘normal’ person can distract themselves by watching TV, reading a book or chatting to friends but when you have severe ME even the slightest activity is exhausting and painful.

Since my physical health deteriorated I’ve had to face the negative thoughts I’ve been distracting myself from for years. At my worst I couldn’t even hold a conversation, so distracting myself the usual way was impossible. I therefore had to find another way or face my demons. It didn’t go well to begin with. I was in panic mode 24/7. I couldn’t sleep or even get a moment’s rest from the relentless onslaught going on inside my brain.

My Solution.

After weeks of not sleeping and suicidal thoughts I knew something had to change. I had already begged for help from the GP, consultant and mental health crisis team but they weren’t geared up to help someone as physically and mentally ill as I was. I researched what I could and came across mindfulness meditation. It certainly wasn’t easy or a quick fix but I believe it saved my life. Simply put, it’s about living in the now rather than worrying about the future or even the next 5 mins. It’s about accepting things as they are. It’s about being curious rather than judgmental or fearful. More about mindfulness meditation to follow soon.

What experiences do you have with anxiety? What coping mechanisms do you use?

For more personal stories, reviews, news, inspirational quotes and in-depth discussion, please head over to my Facebook page.